Lessons from the Bench
My oldest son is an athlete. He’s a good athlete and I’m proud of him. But nothing made me more proud of my son then the weekend he sat on the bench.
He had been invited to play a sport he doesn’t normally participate in. He felt honoured and well, a little proud of his skills. He talked about how good his hitting was and how high he could jump. He had been elevated to volleyball superstar status (mostly in his own head) and had hardly played a game. As he played the last few games of the season he was feeling really good; “smashing” and “ripping” them with the best in our zone. By his account, he was a lethal machine on the court. And then the Provincial Championships took place, right in our little town. The best volleyballers from the province, in our division, where showing up in our school playing on our courts. It was exciting. The crowds were in a frenzy that first game. There was a lot of cheering and yelling as our team pummelled their first opponent. Bump, set, spike! Another point! These six-foot plus guys seemed to leap into the air like gazelles and with the power of a battering ram, smash the ball into the floor. (Some crazy person on the other side of the net is obligated to actually get in the way of that rocket and try to do the same thing in response!) Taylor enjoyed every minute of his playing time that first game. Good thing because it was the last of it as well. After that initial game, the teams became increasingly more competitive; harder hitters, better servers. The coach opted for the more experienced players. So Taylor sat. He sat and he sat keeping that bench warm. Not just one game but the rest of the tournament. And as I watched the bench that weekend I saw how character is moulded, we are changed and rough edges are rubbed off
Lesson 1: Encourage Others
Although Taylor is a natural encourager, encouraging from the side lines was a whole new ball game for him. But I think that he learned the greatest lesson here. As I watched him sit I began to realize more and more the value of my child. Not because of his achievements but because of who he is. If he never played another game of sport I would be honoured to be his mother. I had an amazing opportunity to raise this young man. I felt truly blessed. After each game I would encourage him “I saw the way you patted your teammates back.” Or “I saw how you encouraged the fellow who just made a mistake.” Never stop looking for the good in every person you meet then tell them what you see. There is no greater honour then to encourage someone’s positive character when the situation is difficult.
Lesson 2: Do Your Best at Whatever Task is at Hand
Taylor was not used to sitting on the bench. Up until that point he never had. His new role as bench warmer was challenging to him. He did not feel he was contributing to the team the way he felt he could. Often we may feel we are not contributing in the way we know how, we feel that we are not valuable; how very misleading. There is more than one way to contribute to the project or game at hand and it may make us uncomfortable. We may not prefer to do what is asked of us. Before the game I told Taylor “I want you to be the best bench sitter they’ve ever seen.” He needed to make the choice to do the best at what his coach asked him; sit, quite possibly not his favourite thing (nor mine!) But, if he had to sit then sit with passion; cheer the loudest, clear off the bench when the team is coming for a break, serve those around you. Do whatever is before you with passion.
Lesson 3: Follow Through on Your Commitment
When Taylor came home after his first-ever experience of sitting on the bench he was none too happy. (And I was a little shocked.) “I’m not going back.” He informed us. “You can’t make me.” This was true but he had made a commitment which I reminded him of. People were depending on him if, for nothing else, to be there. He was convinced his team wouldn’t even notice his missing jersey number. Maybe, but more than anything I wanted him to know the value of giving his word to someone. People find you dependable when they know, that no matter what the circumstance, you will be there.
Lesson 4: Learn From Those Around You
To be teachable; we all think we are but when push comes to shove, when someone tells me I’m really not as great as I thought I was will I listen and learn? That is where humility comes in; putting my pride down and allowing someone to speak into my life. My son, who has always been a natural with sport, became a student of sport that weekend. I saw him watch with keen interest how the game was to be played, who did what and when they did it. He walked away with more knowledge of the game than ever before. He also learned that volleyball, quite possibly, was not his passion nor his talent!
I won’t pretend that the weekend didn’t have some hard moments but I see that hard moments bring about true character in each of us. Whether we choose to look for those positive character-building moments is up to us. As I watched my son that weekend, sharp edges were whittled away in both of us, parent and child learning side by side; to become the person we each had been created to be.
