Chaplain's Corner

I have a friend named John that emails me all sorts of things: jokes, beautiful pictures of exotic places in the world, quotes and a lot more. Back in January he sent me a quote from Rachel Naomi Remen a medical doctor who writes quite a bit on spiritual care issues. Perhaps you have read one of her eight books. The quote has to do with our attitude or disposition as caring people. “Helping, fixing and serving represent three different ways of seeing life. When you help, you see life as weak. When you fix, you see life as broken. When you serve, you see life as whole. Fixing and helping may be the work of the ego and service the work of the soul.”

Now, this is an interesting perspective and it certainly is relevant to the attitude I bring to my work each day. After reading the quote and pondering it a bit I have to admit that at times I am all three: a helper, a fixer and a servant. As I pondered the thought a bit more, I think it a bit simplistic to believe that there isn’t a time and a place for each of these dispositions. Recently in a chapel service I was reflecting with the patients on Rehab about that verse in Ecclesiastes 3:1, “To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven:”

The trick in life is knowing when the right time is for everything. Maybe it’s not so much a trick as what happens in us as we mature. As our character develops, as we develop a deeper sense of the dignity of each person, as we gain an accurate assessment of our own strengths and weaknesses we become able to discern when it is time to be a helper, when it is time to be a fixer and when it is time to be a servant. That is what I want to reflect on in this article.

Rachel Naomi Remen suggests first that “When you help, you see life as weak.” To see everyone around myself as weak would certainly be quite an arrogant disposition. We have all met people from time to time who look upon others as weak and pathetic; whose self image is that of being stronger than, more adequate than, more capable than others. When this is our attitude we are condescending towards the other and develop a sort of “savior” complex; over-imagining our own power and importance to those around us.

The Christian Scriptures recognize the reality of human weakness, a comprehensive state that we all experience to one degree or another all the time. A survey of the Scriptures will indicate that the human condition, our sinfulness, is one in which we experience physical weakness, social weakness, emotional weakness, mental weakness and spiritual weakness. In fact the Christian Scriptures suggest that until we are willing to embrace our personal weakness we are not ready to accept God’s help.

The Apostle Paul struggled with a particular physical weakness that he was experiencing. He writes of the struggle in his second letter to the church at Corinth, “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it (the weakness) away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

So you see there are times when we encounter folks who are in all reality weakened by physical illness or disability, mental health struggles or spiritual struggles. There is a time for everything and there are times when helping is not only appropriate but deeply loving. But let me tenor that statement with another. We must always extend the hand of help to one who is weaker with the full realization that we too will find ourselves in a state of weakness at some time and be in need of the helping hand and that that state of weakness could come upon us in the blink of an eye.

Rachel Naomi Remen suggests secondly that, “When you fix, you see life as broken.” Oh how I wish that brokenness was simply the misconception of the fixers imagination. But the Christian Scriptures recognize the reality of human brokenness. In various places the Scriptures speak of our having broken spirits, broken hearts and broken bodies. But I understand her point. We can often objectify others and threat them like an object to be fixed instead of a person to be loved and cared for. Although this is not the solely a male disposition, men have a greater propensity to see things as broken and in need of a fix. Any married man has found himself perplexed many times in relation to his wife. For many years in my marriage my wife would share with me a problem, something that I perceived as “broken” and my instinctive response was to “fix” it.

After many, many, many attempts (I am a dreadfully slow learner) I realized my wife shared her problems with me not because she wanted me to fix them, but because she wanted me to connect emotionally, she needed me to listen, to hear not just the words but her heart. Like I said, I am a slow learner and this is still something I’m working at learning. Part of the issue with this “fix it” compulsion that we have is that fixing can be so depersonalizing. It can also communicate superiority and in so doing it devalues the other. Unlike helping, unless the problem is a leaky faucet, others don’t appreciate our trying to fix “them”. Yes, we can have broken hearts and broken spirits and broken relationships, but these are not “fixed” in the same way as the plumbing. These require love and love isn’t something we do to someone. It is a way we relate to someone.

The last part of that quote went, “When you serve, you see life as whole.” Serving, yes serving each other is the key. Regardless of the problem, regardless of the issue, God calls us to serve each other. This call is met with much opposition. As God sees things, love is giving ourselves in service to others. Jesus once found several of his followers quarrelling about who was the greatest. This happened on a number of occasions and on one of those occasions Jesus stopped the argument with these words, ‘‘You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

When we view ourselves as servants, instead of devaluing the other, we elevate them. We do not treat others as less than but greater than ourselves. We show deference and consideration for their longings and desires, their dignity and honor. When we serve, we see life in a more comprehensive manner, we see others in a more comprehensive manner and we see ourselves as part of the whole, not above or aside from the whole of humanity.

I have struggled with pride and arrogance, with an attitude of “better than, smarter than, more privileged than” others. I have seen how that attitude destroys others, hurts others and marginalizes others. I have asked God to work in me to rid my spirit of that attitude. Many years ago I came across a little song that captures my desire. “Make me a servant, humble and meek. Lord, let me lift up, those who are weak. And may the prayer of my heart always be; Make me a servant, make me a servant, make me a servant, today.” That’s how I’m trying to live my life because one day I would love to hear Jesus say to me, “Larry, well done good and faithful servant.” How about you?