So last post I told you about my mom. This time I will tell you a story about my dad, and how I can see God as a gracious and loving father. I realize that not everyone has the same experiences that I did so let me tell you about mine.
As I indicated last blog, dad joined mom and I when I was 9 months old. He adopted me as his own when I was 3. My biological father had no idea that I even exist, so I cannot say that I was abandoned by him, he didn’t have a clue. I understand the idea of being “Chosen”. My dad didn’t have to join me and mom. But he did, he also could have been someone who decided that I wasn’t his and therefore treat me like I was not blood therefore not important. There was never a day that I felt less than.
The last year of their lives my parents lived with me. When I would come home from work my dad’s face would like up and he’d say, “there’s my girl!”. He was happy to see all of us when we walked in the door, it didn’t matter if it was me, or the grand kids or great grand kids. I have a picture of him sitting in his chair playing “peek” with my oldest Granddaughter. Dad loved his family with his whole heart. I am so sorry if that wasn’t your experience.
Because of the way my dad loved, I see God as a wonderful and loving father. Because I am adopted, I can understand when the bible says we are adopted as sons. We have been chosen. I know there are things that I did that ticked him off. I know that there are things that he put up with because he loved me.
Last night I was reading in Psalms 55, and I hit verse 2 “evening, and morning and at noon I will complain, and murmur and he will hear my voice”. WAIT WHAT??!? Did you know we can complain and murmur? However then in vs 22 it states that we are to cast our burden upon the Lord, and he will (sustain) or uphold you”.
Have you had the opportunity to sit down with your dad (or father figure) and complain – hash things out? I did, and he listened to me, and when he could fix my problems, he did. When he couldn’t he directed me to the right resources so that I could. Having someone to talk things through was awesome.
My dad has been gone for 2 and a half years. I no longer can sit and talk with him when things are not great. The last few months I have been writing down my prayers. I have also been yelling and screaming, and I have cried because life is not fair. And sometimes I have felt guilty for being so broken. Yes, things are changing and getting better on all fronts. Reading that verse that says that I can complain and murmur all day long has brought me relief in my guilt.
So why do I tell you all this – you know the answer – because I have a blog and I can. But also, to give you the opportunity and knowledge that its ok to crab and murmur and complain and scream and do whatever you need to. God hears, he understands, and he remembers that we are dust – (psalms 103:14 – He knows our mortal frame: he remembers that we are (merely) dust). We also need to remember that we can cast our burdens on him – he hears us.