Chaplain's Corner

Not long ago I sat in my office with a gentleman I had gotten to know as a result of his wife’s long battle with cancer.  The battle ended a few years back and we talked a bit about the challenges that come for those who survive, and how so much changes when we experience this kind of loss.  In the course of the conversation he reflected on the decision he had made to retire from his position as a health care administrator just after his wife’s death.  Realizing a few months later that he needed something to occupy his mind and time, he took a position as a grounds keeper.  “It’s funny,” he reflected, “how much more appreciation I receive from keeping grounds than I ever received as an administrator.”

Further reflection led us to the conclusion that appreciation goes more often to those who do something others can see.  Grounds keeping results in a pleasing landscape, well ordered flower beds and an appealing array of flowers and shrubs and trees; where as administration yields little that is seen and little that can be appreciated for its obvious and noticeable beauty.  After all, can you remember the last time you admired a well executed resolution of a workplace problem, or a thoughtful, discerning budget, or the delicate development of a policy.  No?  I didn’t think so, for the work that administrators do is rarely visible and does not attract attention unless of course some problem arises and the administrator isn’t resolving it to our liking.

Appreciation is very important.  It is not necessary.  I have known people who have worked for forty years in the same place, faithfully executing their duties with hardly a word of appreciation.  My Pap was one such man.  Pap was a simple man, only had a third grade education, but he was as faithful and the day is long.  Forty years, day after day, month after month, year after year he drove down to the A & P Bakery in Altoona, Pennsylvania.  He always worked nights, leaving for work when most people were going to bed and getting home about the time most people were getting ready to start their day.

Pap was a baker, he worked in a factory that made bread, that is what he did, and in the course of those forty years, he saw his two children grow into adults, he experienced the absolute devastation of his only son committing suicide and he doted over his daughter, my mother and he loved Gram.  Now Pap could do much more, for along the way he had picked up construction skills: electrical, plumbing and carpentry which he used often to help others.  He was an avid fisherman and found great joy planning his three annual fishing trips in the lake country of Ontario.  Somewhere along the way he came to faith in Jesus and never was what most would have called a devout man, but he loved God and accompanied Gram to services when he could (most of the times he came off work Sunday morning around 7 a.m.) and gave generously.  But for the most part, no one ever appreciated Pap.  He was one of those solitary souls that lived out his 89 years, died suddenly after lunch one afternoon in May of 1997 and now his spirit rests with Jesus and his body lies on a hillside in Greenwood Cemetery along Pleasant Valley Blvd. on the northeast edge of Altoona, Pennsylvania.   I can remember after the funeral that no one was going to go to the cemetery but I needed to go so I went alone.  I parked the car near the open grave and stood silently by as the crew lowered the casket into the grave. So perfunctory was his life it seemed that no one really thought to honor him by gathering around the grave to say their final good bye – no one except me.

Now as I said earlier, we don’t need appreciation.  Many function quite reliably without it.  But it sure is nice to know that our work is pleasing to others.  So why aren’t we all more appreciative?  Why can we allow weeks to go by without thanking our spouses for what they do to make our lives richer and easier?  Why don’t we stop from time to time and just acknowledge the efforts others around us make?   There are probably quite a few reasons why people are not appreciative of others, but let me suggest a few that might help us understand why we don’t give more appreciation to those in our lives who certainly deserve it.

One reason we are not more appreciative is that we are self absorbed.  Everything is about “me”.  When “I” am at the center of everything, I begin to feel as if people owe me their services and their kindness.  This business of self-absorption only seems to be able to muster complaint when others are not satisfying “my” desires but never thinks to say thank you or give recognition to the efforts that others make.

Another reason that we are not more appreciative is that we may have been taught that it was not appropriate to thank people. I’m not kidding, when I was in college one of my professors was of this opinion.  In what I believe to be a rather distorted understanding of the teachings in the Sermon on the Mount, this individual believed that to appreciate the work of others robs them of their heavenly reward.  She cited Matthew 6:1 as support, “Be careful not to do your ‘acts of righteousness’ before men, to be seen by them.  If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.”  Certainly Jesus is not addressing an act of appreciation, but a motivation that seeks recognition.  These are not the same.

Yet another reason is captured in the sage saying, “Familiarity breeds contempt.”  Everyday we live in relationship with people whose work makes our lives easier and we can so easily take it for granted.  I see this happening here at the hospital.  Our housekeeping staff, for example, keep our facility wonderfully clean; every day they are there with mop and pail, cleaning floors, taking care of trash, cleaning toilets, keeping our facility spic and span.  Yet as I think about it, how often do I stop and say thank you for the job they do.  Not nearly often enough.

If you can endure one more suggestion, we may be unappreciative because we are too busy.  We are so focused on doing our thing, accomplishing our tasks, completing our “To do” lists, that we fail to realize that there are hundreds that we encounter every day that are as diligent as we are and probably as ungrateful.

I’d like to challenge you to evaluate yourself by asking the question, “How often do I express appreciation to others?”  If it isn’t nearly enough and it is my guess that will be true for most of us, then I challenge you to develop a plan to become a more appreciative person.  Say “Thank you” more often.  Let someone in your life know how much their efforts mean to you and don’t forget those who do the jobs that make your life so much easier.  One of the things I have done is made a commitment to say thank you to clerks that serve me in the places I shop. 

And I would like to end this column with a word of thanks to you.  Thank you for reading these reflections of mine.  I receive comments every week from people who regularly read these thoughts of mine and in all honesty I am amazed that so many of you find them helpful. So thank you and I will continue to work at sharing some of the musings of my heart with you.  God Bless!