Raising Kids With Character

Faith is on my mind every day. It informs my ideals, morality and my dreams. It also drives my calling; both personally and professionally. My faith is central to my life, and when it isn’t, I feel the loss.

And yet, discussions of faith are increasingly jettisoned from our daily lives for reasons ranging from professional pressure (in the case of some educators) to political correctness, to simple politeness. I think this is harmful to our children, and believe that parents should often bring up questions of faith to discuss with their children for three reasons.

1. Faith gives our children a standard by which to measure morality

Morality is a meaningless term unless it has a standard by which to measure it. The discussion of which standard of morality is better can wait for another day. The more basic reality is that, if we don’t discuss faith systems with our children, they will not know why they should or shouldn’t behave in certain ways.

If you are an atheist, then you should discuss how and why you will behave the way you do with your children. If you are Christian, then you should discuss how the Bible, our God-gifted conscience, and the Holy Spirit guides our behavior. The same is true if you are a Muslim, Hindu, Agnostic or any other brand of religion.

We owe our children an explanation for the standard by which we live our lives and our children will grow in confidence and security as we consistently apply that standard.

2. Faith gives our children an honest answer

Faith and reason are not mutually exclusive. That is, faith doesn’t just “jump in” where reason fails. Now, blind faith and reason are exclusive, but I am not a person of faith because I don’t have good answers to life’s big questions. Far from it. In fact, the reason I am a person of faith is precisely because I have adequate answers to life’s big questions.

The truth is that faith is reality of life. When you drive down the street you exercise faith in your vehicle. You also exercise faith in fellow drivers (a real test at times in our little city!) You have faith that the general goodness of people means that they will be responsible and refrain from drinking and driving. You have faith in the police officer who enforces the laws of the road.

The simple reality is that we live by faith almost every moment of every day.

Faith in the spiritual sense is just as much a reality. In his book, Doubting, Alister McGrath claims that an atheist must exercise just as much faith to disbelieve in God as the Christian has to exercise to believe in God. Simply put, you cannot prove or disprove the existence of God with complete certainty.

It is insincere then to tell children that only religious people are required to exercise faith; that is dishonest. So, by discussing faith with our children we are being honest and loving with them.

3. Faith gives our children hope

I remember when my oldest son was 4 years old and I took him out on the deck on one cool summer autumn night to look up at the brilliant stars. We weren’t outside for more than moments when he clutched me tighter and said, “Daddy, let’s go inside, I’m scared.”

What is it that stirs fear in the heart of mankind when looking up at our miniscule sliver of stars in the vast universe? We are small. The universe is immense. It’s scary.

And life on our speck of dust is uncertain and scary as well. Wars, disease, bullying, failure, all these weigh on our children’s minds, even when they cannot articulate their emotions.

Faith gives our children a different narrative than the one they find themselves written into. But faith, in itself, is not enough. Faith must be grounded in an object. And the quality of that object is of paramount importance (and kids see through us when it isn’t.)

For example, I grew up on the banks of the Red River. In winter, we weren’t allowed onto the ice until my dad had chopped a few holes to see if it was safe. As a child, it was a scary thought to venture out onto the ice for the first time of the season. But if dad had checked the ice and found that it was 12 inches thick, we were safe despite our fears!

On the other hand, if we went down to the river and looked out on the river and told ourselves, “It certainly looks safe,” we would be flirting with danger. It might be only inches thick!

It didn’t matter whether I felt safe or unsafe, if the ice was thick I was safe, if the ice was thin, I was in danger. It was the object of my faith that keeps us safe, not the quality, or size of our faith. I can sincerely believe something and be sincerely wrong. The greater the fears we face, the bigger the object our faith needs to be in order to overcome them.

This is why we must direct our children to an object worthy of believing in!

A standard to live by, an honest answer to life’s big questions and hope! What reason to the contrary would suggest that we shouldn’t approach the topic of faith with our children?